Heard this word when a Social Science professor back in college asked us to write a reaction paper about this epic-long-high-fallutin-ostentatious-pompous-and-all-their-synonyms essay he wrote with this title along with some other words I can’t remember anymore. But I remember him. How could I not? He stood out from the rest of the generic-looking teachers so he, at least, deserves a few inches of space here for being, well, bizarre. He was showy, he had frizzy Krusty the Clown hair, he had leathery skin, he wore cowboy hats, pointy cowboy boots with spurs, airtight-vein-popping jeans that showed off his rock-hard butt, wife-beater tank tops knotted in the middle and worn as a midriff… Yes. He goes to class looking that way. (Gives me a queasy feeling, thinking about this now, as if I’ve just eaten too much pork fat.) I swear, with his wolfish grin and all 32 of his teeth showing, I could almost hear a faint bell-like tink! and see a glint at the side of his mouth like some caricature. But you know, it is curious personalities like him which make interesting topics of conversations.
Interesting diversion but let’s get back to the essay. Every sentence contained about five big words which I could, ahem, spell correctly because I’m such a spelling queen bee (had to add that in for a little prestige), but not understand (humble pie is not very delicious). All I could figure out was the word “the”. Not even the prepositions made sense.
So I had to ask the help of my dad to dissect it. He, too, was, well, discombobulated (lol!). He said that a good writer should be able to convey his thoughts and ideas in simple words. Maybe he just said that to cover his discombobulativity. My blog, my words.
Anyway, the gist of it was how most people go through life sleepwalking, unaffected, apathetic, that before they know it, life has passed them by. Or at least, that’s how I remember it. Simple, right? I wish I could find a copy just to see if I understand it now without resorting to shift+F7. After fifteen years, I should have at least widened my vocabulary a little bit and hope to at least combobulate ten big words or so in that essay.
I’m recalling this now because there are days when I feel like a somnambulist performing the expected deeds of a lackluster life cycle. I’m indifferent, apathetic, just so-so. I barely bother about the daily events happening around me unless they are mega-major or life changing.
There are days when my thoughts are somewhere else. I wish I were more ‘here’.
There are days, though, when I think it helps being unaffected because that means less troubles, less heartaches, less worries, less wrinkles. Just one more reason for my quietness. I just don’t care enough.
There are days when I just want to go to sleep and just dream and escape.
There are days when I feel a bit old and heavy, like there’s this weighty thing inside of me that just makes me drag myself through my life. One good thing about my work is being in the company of twenty something people who seem so vibrant and full of life — so much into life. Was I like them before? I’m grateful to be in the company of some such people as they bring some of their spark into my life.
So, what happened to my reaction paper? It was written exactly the way a somnambulist would write it. Ha. I can’t believe I passed that class, or even college. I was a somnambulist all the way through college.
This woman’s life needs gallons and gallons of caffeine!