Keep Off the Bump

Even if I have a dozen kids (like that’s gonna happen) I don’t think I will ever get used to people touching my bumpette. I know, I’ve been whining about this nonstop and I was just about ready to accept the fact that preggy bellies are hand magnets but just last week at some social gathering, my bumpette was touched in less than an hour by about 10 people I barely know or met for the first time which was just creepy and which made me uncomfortable… and annoyed with myself and the situation. Social gatherings… I don’t really like them all that much. I feel obligated to act all sweet and patronizing lest I be accused of being snooty and stuck-up (yet again). So I ended up grinning and bearing it, invasive hands and all.

The first time my belly was touched during pregnancy #1 was a very awkward moment. I was startled and I wasn’t sure how to react because I didn’t want to offend the person touching me. So I tried to keep a blank face while I got rubbed in public. Later on, I found out that preggy belly rubbing has become some sort of a socially accepted norm. Also, people seem to think that rubbing pregnant bellies bring luck especially in lotteries and raffles. Like the fat Buddha figurine. I wonder who thought that up. If that were true, then pregnant women should win all the time since they rub their bellies all the time. Or maybe there are rules. You can’t receive luck if you rub your own belly.

I do love it and I find it amusing when my toddler rubs my preggy belly and kisses it, and sometimes even knocks on it. But for others, well, once, I made a sarcastic remark to a friend while her hand stroked my belly but she ignored me. She’s used to me, I guess, so her hand went rubbing on and on and on…  which made my belly itch and made me just give up. She still continues to touch my belly almost every time we see each other. My snarky wit was totally wasted on her.

Fine. I will bear the belly rubbing friends… and Brad Pitt… and David Tennant. But acquaintances? People I know but aren’t close to? People I’ve met for the first time? Strangers? Why, people? Why?!?!?! I know you don’t mean to encroach on my personal space and be annoying and insensitive and creepy, but can’t you just ooh and ahh and be in awe of this magnificent and shining symbol of abundance and fertility from afar?

I came across this article about Pennsylvania making belly touching of pregnant women without consent illegal. We-ell, I wouldn’t really go that far. But I’d love to get back at unwelcome belly touchers through some mean petty thing. The article will come in handy.  The next time someone touches my belly again, I just might bring it up and scare someone into withdrawing that invasive hand.

Picture and probing hands courtesy of crazy teammates. Belly touching was with consent but only for pictorial purposes

Picture and creepy hands courtesy of crazy teammates. Belly touching was with consent but only for pictorial purposes

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