“You’ve grown so big!” was something I’ve never heard during my first bumpito in 2011. Back then, there was no need to buy maternity clothes. Some folks especially those at work only became aware that I was pregnant when I was about to go on maternity leave (“Huh?!? You’re pregnant?!?! I thought you just had a hefty lunch,” was what they all said). Now, it seems that with the tummy touching automatically come that exclamation about my tummy being the size of an exercise ball.
For my second bumpito, I am still small (I don’t know why I’m this size. Maybe my growth was stunted because I flushed the milk down the drain which my mom used to force me to drink when I was a kid. Nonetheless, having this physique is a relief. It’s one less vanity issue to fret about). But my tummy is really much bigger than before. I started looking pregnant when I was barely 2 months along! Now the bumpito has grown so big and heavy that my stick figure legs are starting to ache. I fear that one of these days, I will lose my balance and topple over face first because of the unequal weight.
My delusion of being an alpha female is really hard to sustain since all I could picture is myself looking like the omega symbol.
Introducing Preggy O’Meggy
I still have not bought any maternity clothes but that is just because I am in denial. Gone are the cute mini dresses that I used to wear. Now, my latest hunting grounds for preggy getup are the Men’s Wear Department and Surplus Stores where I buy large shirts that I try to pass off as baggy graphic tees from TopShop and Zara.
At least I can pass these on to hubby after my pregnancy… that is, if I shrink back to my original size.
Dear Hubby, I know we have agreed to forgo giving gifts to each other last Christmas because we need to start saving up for our would-be 2014 expenses. My concurrence, like the materialistic woman that I am, was obviously fake but you were serious and I realized that when only a sad, old, deformed ornament in an otherwise empty space underneath the Christmas tree awaited me. Anyway, your Merry Christmas and Happy New Year greeting in the form of a hasty kiss will do (how sweet, but who are we kidding?) and will last me for a lifetime (meaning, you can kiss your own a**. I’m just kidding. Or maybe I am not) But because I am such a thoughtful and loving wife, I got you lots and lots of Christmas presents…you know, those several really cool tees that I bought recently. I’m sure they would look really nice on you but because I care about your comfort, I’m breaking them in first. One day, when my bumpito has disappeared, you can have all of them, unwashed and teeming with my womanly essence.
Your loving wife,