I was buttering my tummy the other night with Neutrogena oil (the oil isn’t really a preferred remedy. It was just the only thing I could quickly find amidst my clutter but it helps) to alleviate the crazy itching while hubby and the Little Creature #1 ogled. I was standing beside the TV and the Little Creature #1 was actually watching Cars 2 but his eyes would dart between the TV and me and beam, like he finds me funny or something. Then the insensitive caveman hubby exclaimed (gasp!) that I was so big… and so deformed!
My jaw dropped and my eyes went big. Deformed?!?!?! How dare you, I said to him in mock anger. (Where is that battle axe when I need one?) Oh, yaiks, wrong word, he most likely thought.
In a feeble attempt for redemption, he said that my face hadn’t changed and that I still look beautiful. Right.
I wasn’t really mad or insulted, but still, some damage has been done and I therefore authorize all the deformed pregnant mothers to bludgeon him to a bloody pulp. Just give me some popcorn to munch on while I watch in evil glee.