Maybe it is because I’m not really into trends…or maybe it is just because I’m not fashion forward. The avant garde and the bold devotees of such styles might scoff at my less than daring tastes but well, the wheels (and reels, hence the movie imageries) in my head are turning and these are my takes on the trends of 2012. Now in theaters near you.
Movie 1. Feel like seeing a Comic Book adaptation? How about some superhero stuff? It’s a bird, it’s a plane, oh, wow, it’s THE Mullet. In an elevator on one fine day, I became aware that I was with the Lady in the Mullet skirt when whoosh, she went past me and alighted, leaving the maxi part of her skirt floating and trailing behind her, making her look like some typical superheroine. Only, it’s her derriere that’s caped. If the elevator doors had closed a second too soon, our office which has about 1400 gabfesters, would have something to snicker about during lunchtime.
Movie 2. (Still on the mullet skirt) How about some Gothic Romance/Thriller? At parties or at bars where everyone is most likely intoxicated, one can blame the alcohol for the double take at the Lady in the Mullet Skirt. Is that a maxi dress? But… but… wasn’t she just wearing a mini?!?!? The severe cut and opening in front that’s so big right now just makes me think of a fashion police turned axe murderer slashing at a fashion victim but ending up hacking the front of the skirt instead.
Sure, some young Hollywood celebrities could pull it off but I have yet to see someone in person who doesn’t look “incomplete” in it, and maybe if the asymmetry is a little more subtle, I’d get it.
Movie 3. I’m feeling a little sci-fi/dark comedy. Enter the Stepford Wives in HD Peplums. I gave up trying to find a dress for our corporate Christmas party because in all the shops I browsed in — the dresses, the skirts, the blouses, the jackets — every piece of clothing had peplum. A few of the stores even sold separate peplums. I am sure most of us at one time or another found herself/himself wearing the same thing as another person but witnessing a cluster of ladies in very noticeable peplum dresses during our Christmas Party made me think of robot Stepford Wives. I might have considered wearing a peplum pencil skirt to work for a vintage secretary look once… if only they weren’t everywhere.
Movie 4. The Revenge of the Nerds: The Return in 3D. Why would people want to hide their eyes behind those huge plastic framed glasses, some of these even with neon earhooks or whatchamacallits? Why would they even think it’s cool? I hated wearing glasses in elementary and high school — I wore pink ones and then maroon ones, so, yuck, there went my social life. I got teased as Miss Tapia, both in school and at home – and I swore that I will never, ever, ever, ever wear such hideous things again… except maybe inside a theater, watching a movie in 3D.
Movie 5. It’s B Movie time again– The Attack of the Flying Mustaches! I thought it was cute to find a mustache pendant once especially since it reminded me of Poirot. But now they’re everywhere! Some pendants and some prints on the clothing look more like leeches than mustaches. The white ones remind me of Colonel Sanders. Let’s hope we get to shave off this trend this year.
Movie 6. Clippity-clop, clippity- clop, it’s Mr. Tumnus from “The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe”. It could be Seabiscuit, too. Oh, wait, it’s just the heel-less shoes which remind me of hooves. A pair of jodhpurs and an equestrian hat would make the equine look complete. Aside from looking like one could easily lose one’s balance in them, the total look seems off balance
and is confusing to the eyes. Where is the sexy line that the leg and the stiletto make?
Movie 7. Hmmm… now brain is too lazy to come up with a movie for this. All I can say is that The Fascinators and the Lolita hats were not around when I needed them four or five years ago for a party but now, like the Flying Mustaches, they’re everywhere. It is not fascinating to see them being worn like usual everyday hair accessories. I think the trend started sometime in 2010 so I hope we can get over it soon.
The collar necklace I do get a little bit. It looks nice when worn with a simple blouse or shirt. But with a tube? Playboy Bunny, is that you?
Yucky artwork by Alias M. (I haven’t seen a mustache belt, but you’ll never know, there’s always some mustache thing happening out there)
There’s one thing I do get: hidden wedge sneakers! It is still a little difficult to find a pair in the malls which makes me glad because there aren’t many sporting the sneaky wedge look in the country yet.
P.S. I also do get the ombre hair a little bit.